<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Heaven is a place on Earth by bluesaturn</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23895208">Heaven is a place on Earth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesaturn/pseuds/bluesaturn'>bluesaturn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Black Mirror (TV), Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Black Mirror Episode: s03e04 San Junipero, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Heavy Angst, I mean eveyone is dead, M/M, dark themes, kind of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:39:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,302</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23895208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesaturn/pseuds/bluesaturn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After a fatal car accident, Hank ends up in San Junipero. It's where he meets Connor, a friendly Android AI that is there to help new residents get accustomed to the place. Hank has a hard time dealing with everything but eventually realizes that maybe his happy ending isn't as far out of his reach as he thinks.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cole Anderson &amp; Connor, Cole Anderson &amp; Hank Anderson, Cole Anderson &amp; Hank Anderson &amp; Connor, Hank Anderson/Connor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Heaven is a place on Earth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this is a lot longer than it was originally supposed to be. Mid-way through writing this I got the news that a relative of mine had passed away and I guess I had a lot to say about it?</p>
<p>Please note that you should have watched this episode of Black Mirror (or at least read a synopsis) to understand what's going on.</p>
<p>Also, I had some more ideas for this that I couldn't fit into this story as well, so if you want me to write more in this universe, let me know. :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hank wakes up on a beach. It’s late in the evening judging by the fact that the sun is currently about to set. He feels the cold summer air on his skin and listens to the sounds of the waves. His toes are buried deep in the warm sand and his back doesn’t ache. It’s the most relaxed and content he has felt in years. </p>
<p>It takes a moment for it to set in that something about this isn’t right.<br/>
Hank hasn’t taken many vacations in his life - most of them had been after he had Cole - and he has never stepped foot onto this beach before. There’s also the feeling of having forgotten something important, but he can’t quite grasp what it is. Every time he seems to reach for it, it seems to glide right through his fingers and a wave of nausea hits him. </p>
<p>In that moment, he sees a silhouette walking towards him on the beach.<br/>
A few seconds later, he realizes it belongs to a young man, who smiles, as he spots Hank.</p>
<p>“Ah, good, you’re awake.”<br/>
Hank looks over at the kid, still confused.<br/>
The young man is dressed in a grey suit, a smile still on his face, his dark brown hair styled to perfection. He doesn’t look like he belongs on a beach, more like a young guy coming from his very first business meeting. If it weren’t for the calm blue LED on his temple, Hank wouldn’t even have realized that he was an Android.</p>
<p>“I’m Connor,” he says and extends his hand.<br/>
Hank takes it hesitatingly and shakes it, not quite sure what else to do.</p>
<p>He remembers the Android revolution a little too well, long nights at the station and the look in Officer Chris’ eyes as the life left his body. The way blue blood mixed with red blood into an ugly kind of purple. Sometimes, years later, he now still wakes up from nightmares, remembering it. It was soon after that he had quit the job at the force for good and never looked back. So he still feels a little wary around Androids. </p>
<p>“I’m sure you have a lot of questions,” the Android - Connor, continues.<br/>
He’s still smiling, clearly trying his best to ignore Hank’s discomfort or not even noticing it in the first place.<br/>
“Yeah,” Hank agrees slowly.<br/>
“First question: Where the fuck am I?”<br/>
“You’re in San Junipero. Do you know what that means?” Connor asks and Hank has to think hard for a moment.<br/>
He’s certain he has heard that name before but where…</p>
<p>The memory is fuzzy, far away, as if he has to walk through mud to retrieve it.<br/>
DPD. Paperwork. Scribbling “I don’t fucking care.” on a piece of paper asking him if he wants to go to computer heaven, then staining it with burger sauce during his lunch. (That was before everything, of course. These days the scribble would have probably more looked like “Hell no”.) </p>
<p>It takes a moment for the information to sink in. There’s only one reason he could have ended up here.<br/>
“So I’m dead,” he says.<br/>
It feels strange to say it out loud. </p>
<p>Connor smiles at him again but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes this time. It doesn’t fit his face like he wasn’t made to look sad.<br/>
“Yes.”</p>
<p>Part of Hank is surprised. He’s healthy - save for his love for junk food - and he hasn’t had a beer since the day Cole was born. Getting a gun pointed at him also isn’t a daily occurrence anymore, since the day he quit his job at the DPD. </p>
<p>“How did I die?” Hank asks, ‘cause no matter how hard he tries, he can’t get a hold of that memory.<br/>
“Are you certain you wanna know? It was quite -”<br/>
“Yeah”, he interrupts the Android.<br/>
Connor looks quite worried but Hank doesn’t try to pay it much mind. He never would have made it as a police Lieutenant if he didn't have a thick skin.<br/>
“Very well,” Connor says and before Hank can ask how any of this even works, he finds himself back at the place of his death.</p>
<p>
  <i><br/>
Hank is driving on the highway, going slightly above the speed limit, because he wants to get home already. He had just picked up Cole from a soccer tournament his mom had taken him to, his own job keeping him to busy as to come as well. Hank’s car radio is playing his favorite jazz album and he’s humming along happily, as Cole tells him about the goal he scored, which helped his team win at the very last minute. Life is good and all Hank wants is to get home soon and heat up a frozen pizza for Cole and himself. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Maybe it’s because of Cole’s blabbering or the music distracting him, but Hank sees the car on the other side of the road a little too late. The other driver is swaying as if he’s had a couple of beers too many to still be on the road. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>They’re still on the middle of the highway and Hank tries to avoid a collision, but it’s too late, he reacts a millisecond later than he should and the car crashes into theirs. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>The first thing Hank feels is pain. White soaring pain, that feels as if it consumes him, makes him feel like he can't breathe, can’t think, can’t do anything. He feels hot blood trickling down his nose, his mouth, everywhere. It hurts to think, to breathe, to move. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>But all Hank can manage to think about is Cole. He turns around slowly, looking at the back seat, where<br/>
Cole is still sitting, but his arm is hanging in a weird angle, blood is all over his face and body and he is unconscious. Hank feels his stomach turn at the sight. Everything but Cole. Not Cole. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>He reaches with shaky hands for the emergency call button in the car and presses it, with his last bit of strength. He slumps back against the seat, tries to stay awake, but he can’t do it for long, drifting away slowly into nothingness, not expecting to ever wake up again. He doesn’t care, as long as they can make it to Cole in time.</i>
</p>
<p>Hank feels nauseous when he wakes up back in San Junipero. His hands won’t stop shaking and he recoils at the faint taste of vomit in his mouth. Connor is still sitting next to him, a hand resting on Hank’s shoulder in a comforting gesture. Normally Hank would have pushed him away, but he just can’t bring himself to care right now. He doesn’t know where he scraps together the courage to ask, but he just has to know.</p>
<p>“My son - is he - is he -,” Hank stammers and the sympathetic look in Connor’s eyes is almost too much.<br/>
“He’s still in the ICU, Hank, I’m sorry,” the Android answers and something in Hank breaks, shatters into a million pieces like the grains of sand on this beach. </p>
<p>He’s so out of it, he doesn’t even mind when the Android pulls him into a hug and holds him, while Hank cries.<br/>
A couple of minutes into this the Android opens an interface and moves a slider along a menu. Hank’s nausea disappears in the blink of a second and he’s quite thankful for it, as he isn’t sure if he wouldn’t have puked all over Connor’s suit otherwise. (He’s fairly certain Androids can’t smell or feel disgust, but he’s still trying to be less of an Asshole these days.) </p>
<p>Connor’s LED flashes yellow, as he finally ends the hug and Hank manages to collect himself somewhat. 
“Oh, newcomers,” Connor says and Hank tries very hard not to think about the fact that newcomers means new <i>dead</i> people. Like him. </p>
<p>The Android looks at Hank with so much worry in his eyes, that it can’t be simulated. He wonders - but he doesn’t ask.<br/>
“Are you going to be alright?” Connor asks and Hank nods.<br/>
He doesn’t need a babysitter and he sure as heck isn’t going to jump off a rooftop until he knows for sure Cole is okay.<br/>
(Not that it would matter much here anyway if he did. What’s he gonna do, die again?)</p>
<p>“Alright,” Connor agrees after a moment’s hesitation.<br/>
“If you need anything at all, please just, say my name and I’ll be there in a moment. Try to go to the city and distract yourself for a bit, alright, Hank?,” the Android asks and Hank nods.<br/>
He can’t imagine anything could potentially take his mind of his son right now or the overwhelming feeling of guilt and pain. (He’ll try anyway.)</p>
<p>The city is exactly how Hank imagined it would be, if he had booked a trip to a party place that was, not gotten the kinda disturbing news that he was dead. The people in the bar he had stumbled into didn’t seem all too disturbed by their own deaths though. Loud 80s music was blasting through speakers and people were swirling over the dance floor like it was a normal night in a club Hank might have visited in his youth. </p>
<p>Hank doesn’t feel like dancing so he heads straight for the bar. He lets himself fall onto a barstool and immediately an Android turns around and smiles at him. Her pink hair is pinned up and the LED on the side of her head is lid up in a calm blue. </p>
<p>“Hello. What do you want to drink?” she asks, in the friendliest customer voice, Hank has ever heard. It still feels weird to have an Android waiting on him, especially here. Hank bites back the question that is burning beneath his tongue and mumbles the same whiskey brand he had been drinking for years. Before Cole. </p>
<p>The Android hands him his drink a few seconds later. He drinks it and feels the whiskey burn his throat. It tastes exactly how he remembers it, though it's been so many years, it’s hard to be sure.<br/>
A part of him flinches at the thought of breaking his sobriety after all these years but it’s not exactly like he can call his sponsor and chat about the fact that he died in here. Besides, it doesn’t feel like it matters much, anyway. No way to die of alcohol poisoning if you're already dead. No one to depend on him either, not unless  Cole doesn’t make - He orders a second drink. </p>
<p>The Android’s smile falters a little, as he orders a third drink, but thankfully she doesn’t say anything, as Hank tries his best to drink himself into oblivion. At his fourth drink, Hank starts getting desperate. He’s not a religious man - otherwise, he probably wouldn't be sitting here right now - but he prays to every deity he can think of, that Cole will be okay. </p>
<p>It*s okay that Hank had to go, a little young perhaps, but he’s made a lot of mistakes in his life and somehow that feels right. He understands. But Cole - Cole is good. Cole is full of happiness, full of light. He deserves to celebrate a hundred more birthdays, even if Hank can’t be there to see them. So Hank prays for the first time in his life, hoping against hope that anyone can hear him. Anyone at all. </p>
<p>Hank is far too drunk to figure out what to do next, so he finds himself on the beach once again. The sun had long since set and instead there was a beautiful clear night sky, the stars shining far brighter thank Hank had ever seen them in Detroit. The air is a bit chilly now, but Hank doesn’t pay it much mind, the alcohol warming him up from the inside anyway. His sadness seems to come and go like the waves of the ocean do. </p>
<p>Hank can't understand it. All of his life since Cole had been born, Hank had done nothing but care about his son. Did everything so he could have a good life, so he would be alright - and in the end, he still couldn't protect him. Hank has seen so many unfair lives in his work at the DPD, tragedies really, but he had never considered his life to be one of them, despite everything. Until now.<br/>
The thought hurts and Hank almost laughs at the irony that he would manage to be this sad in <i><br/>
heaven</i>, of all places. </p>
<p>Later on, Hank wouldn't remember what drove him to do so, but right now all he feels is the sadness and the loneliness and the anger and he knows if he sits there any longer with it, alone, it’s gonna eat him up inside. Will consume him whole until there’s nothing left of the person he once was and he has to be here, for Cole, if nothing else. So he mumbles a name into the night sky, slowly before he loses consciousness. </p>
<p>Hank is utterly confused when he wakes up. He’s lying in a bed he doesn’t remember laying down in. The sheets are so incredibly soft and he closes his eyes again, hoping to get a moment more sleep before dealing with whatever bullshit this day has to throw at him this time. However, he doesn’t get the chance, as an Android sits down on the edge of the bed and clears his voice. Hank stares at Connor for a moment, even more confused, as memories keep crashing in on him, of his death, of Cole, of drinking and of mumbling Connor’s name in the middle of the night, like that was gonna make everything okay somehow. </p>
<p>He feels embarrassment flood his veins and turns his eyes away from the Android, not wanting to face him. But Connor doesn’t seem to mind, just sits there patiently until Hank can no longer pretend he isn’t there and finally looks at him. </p>
<p>He looks exactly the same as the last time Hank saw him, except for the fact that his hair is a little messier than usual as if he had run his hand through it in frustration a few times.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling, Hank?,” he asks and his voice is soft, his eyes filled with worry, and Hank wants to just run away from his feelings because everything feels too much.<br/>
“I’ve.. been better,” he finally admits and feels almost proud of himself as he doesn’t recoil when the Android reaches out to hold his hand, in a calming gesture.<br/>
“Do you wanna know how your son is doing?” Connor asks softly and Hank barely manages a nod.<br/>
"He’s out of the ICU”, Connor says and Hank feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.<br/>
Cole - Cole is - alive, alive, alive. </p>
<p>Connor keeps holding on to Hank as if to ground him and Hank lets him, just this once ignoring what he is. Cole is alive. It’s all that matters and he keeps holding the Android’s hand like it’s a lifeline. They stay like this for what feels like hours but Hank doesn’t mind, feels safe, feels like everything is right in his world again, at the thought that Cole will make it after all. </p>
<p>Hank feels embarrassed, as he finally manages to calm down again. No one has seen him like this in many years. The last person that had taken care of him like this had been his ex-wife, back when she still cared whether Hank woke up in a pool of his own vomit or not. It’s not a memory he tends to think back on fondly. </p>
<p>Hank brings some much-needed space between himself and the Android. Connor lets go of him immediately but he still has his brown eyes fixated on Hank as if he’s worried he’s gonna do something stupid. (Hank remembers this look as well and he doesn’t like it either.)  </p>
<p>Hank doesn’t feel quite as terrible as he remembers hangovers to be, but he still feels nauseous and the world seems a little fuzzy on the edges. He wants to just lie down and sleep, at least until he knows for sure that Cole will be 100% alright, but he doesn’t think Connor will let him. He reaches out his hand and to his credit, Hank doesn’t flinch away this time. But Connor doesn’t touch him again, instead, he shows Hank how to open a menu that he had used when they first met. It seems like lifetimes ago by now. It’s a menu of a couple of little settings that he can change. A slider for nausea, pain, brain fog. Connor taps on it a few times and Hank feels like a normal person again. Well, for a dead person, anyway. </p>
<p>They both walk outside in silence and sit down on the beach. It's really warm and sunny here today and Hank can hear birds chirping somewhere in the distance. The waves come so close to the shore his clothes get wet but he doesn’t really mind. He wonders if Connor doesn’t have to greet new people by now again, but he doesn't ask. He’s probably not the only one with this job. It seems like an emotionally exhausting task. </p>
<p>Hank looks over at Connor, who is sitting there a little too straight, not yet having mastered the art of slumping. But his toes are buried deep in the warm sand and he’s looking at the water, with a calm, relaxed expression on his face. The LED on his temple is shining a calm blue and he sits there in silence next to Hank for what seems like hours. Hank is the one to break the silence first.</p>
<p>He can’t help but still wonder, so he asks the question that has been burning on his mind ever since he has met Connor.<br/>
“Are you a deviant?,” he asks and the LED turns yellow. Hank is about to apologize for asking an uncomfortable question, but Connor smiles, though his eyes stay focused on the ocean as he answers.<br/>
“Yes. I have been, for many years now.” </p>
<p>Hank kind of excepted the answer, but he’s still surprised by it. Most Androids these days are deviants anyway, but he can’t understand what would make Connor want to stay in a place like this.<br/>
“So why are you still here?” Hank asks before he can stop himself.<br/>
Connor shrugs, which looks weird. He’s never seen an Android shrug before.<br/>
“I like it here”, he simply states.<br/>
“It’s full of dead people”, Hank says.<br/>
“So?”</p>
<p>Hank doesn’t really know what to say to that, maybe it’s an Android thing, not really understanding why it should make him feel uncomfortable to stay in a city that is essentially a ghost town. </p>
<p>Connor keeps looking at the ocean, as he reaches for Hank’s hand and this time, Hank lets him, mostly because the touch grounds him.<br/>
“I was made for this,” Connor says slowly.<br/>
“I don’t have a body in the real world, though I could leave here if I wanted to. They offered that to me after I first woke up. Everything was a lot and I didn’t know what to do with all these emotions I was suddenly experiencing. I felt a little lost.”<br/>
Connor turns around to face Hank and they’re sitting so close, he can count the moles on his face.<br/>
“Anyways, I thought a lot about it and - I like it here. I like that I can help people by being here. I don’t wanna leave.” </p>
<p>Part of Hank can understand that, although he would never have the strength to help anyone that is going through what he has been going through for the last few.. hours? days? He isn’t really sure.</p>
<p>“Have you never been curious about what the real world is like through?” he asks and Connor tilts his head like he’s thinking about this for a moment.<br/>
“Not really.”<br/>
Hank looks at him so surprised, that Connor laughs. It’s a melodious sound and it sends chills straight over Hank’s back.<br/>
“I’m a person but I’m still - a machine. For me, this is as real as everything else is, anyway,” Connor says. Hank hums in agreement and they keep looking at the water, the waves still crashing onto the shore. </p>
<p>“Have you seen anything of the city yet?” Connor asks and Hank shakes his head. Nothing much more than the bar he’s been too and he’d rather forget about that.<br/>
Connor jumps up from the beach and holds out his hand.<br/>
“Come on, I wanna show you something,” he says and Hank takes his hand and lets Connor pull him to his feet. </p>
<p>The way to the road isn’t long and Hank soon finds himself in an old truck, Connor on the driver’s side. He looks out the window, at the sunset behind them, and smiles. Maybe, maybe he can learn to not-live with this. Connor starts to drive slowly and Hank fiddles with the radio until one of his favorite rock bands starts playing. He’s singing along, ignoring the way Connor keeps glancing at him at every note he hits wrong with a grin. </p>
<p>Connor and Hank soon arrive at their destination. It’s in the same road as the bar Hank had frequented the other night, but he doubts Connor is about to drag him in there. Instead, they find themselves inside another place. </p>
<p>Hank hasn’t been to a concert in years, not since Cole, he doesn’t think. But Connor drags him inside the hall, towards the front row and he grins. This reminds him of being a teenager, pushing his ways through hundreds of people to make it into the front row to listen to his favorite band, along with his best friend.</p>
<p>Unlike the bands of his youth, this one isn’t fronted by humans but instead by a group of Androids. They look like they’re having fun though and the music is great. Hank gets lost in it after a while. Sometime in their set, Connor’s LED begins to blink yellow. </p>
<p>“Something wrong?” Hank asks, unsure if Connor can even hear him through all of the noise.<br/>
Then again, Androids probably have super hearing or something. Connor shakes his head.<br/>
“Newcomers,” he says, barely loud enough for Hank to be able to hear him.<br/>
For a second, Hank had forgotten the fact that he was dead. The reminder feels uncomfortable but Connor squeezes his hand reassuringly.<br/>
“I’ll let someone else go,” Connor says.<br/>
“I’d rather stay here,” he adds and smiles at him.<br/>
Hank doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything, instead, he just chooses to focus on the music again. </p>
<p>It has to be late in the night by the time that the band has finished playing, though it's hard to tell. Hank didn’t use to wear a watch when he’s alive, he’s surely not about to start doing so, now that’s he in heaven. </p>
<p>Hank doesn’t feel tired at all, more as if he could dance for the rest of the night. He shares the thought with Connor, who grins, which makes his face look even more goofy than usual. They stumble into a dance club, which is playing 90s music of all things. After the amazing rock band, his ears shudder at the thought, but he still pulls Connor toward the dance floor. </p>
<p>Connor dances like he had imagined a robot would, a little too stiff in his movements, and Hank tries his best not to laugh at him and instead shows him how to dance. Connor isn’t bad at it when he finally manages to relax a little. Hank is truly enjoying himself for the first time since he’s been here, though he kind of wishes he hadn't stumbled into 90s night of all things. </p>
<p>Eventually, the music changes to a slow song, and Hank pulls Connor closer. They slowly start swaying to the beat of the music.<br/>
Hank holds Connor close and they move slowly over the dance floor as if it’s just the two of them existing at this moment. He looks at Connor fascinated. Hank's never met a person like him before. And right now, as Connor is smiling up at him, his eyes twinkling, Hank has no doubts about the fact that he is a person either. They're standing so close to each other, as the song fades and Hank is about to say something, do something, he’s not sure what exactly, as Connor’s LED blinks yellow once more.</p>
<p>The expression on his face changes in an instant and Hank immediately knows something is very wrong, as the LED turns to blink red, red, red.<br/>
“Hey, Connor.”<br/>
He puts his hand on Connor’s shoulder as to get him back to reality but it doesn’t seem to help much…<br/>
Instead, he drags Connor outside on the street, where they are greeted by the fresh night air and drunk people screaming at each other.<br/>
“What’s going on?,” he asks softly, looking at the Android worried.<br/>
He’s never seen Connor so...  he doesn’t have the words to describe it.</p>
<p>A moment later Hank and Connor are back inside the house, Connor had stuck him in last night and they’re sitting on the couch, Connor looking at him like he’s afraid he might break. </p>
<p>“Hank, something happened,” Connor finally says after what seems like an infinity has passed.<br/>
“It’s about Cole,” he says and suddenly time seems to freeze and Connor’s voice sounds like it’s a million miles away and not right beside him.<br/>
“He’s dead,” Connor says, calmly and Hank feels like throwing every single fake piece of furniture against the wall.<br/>
Because it can’t be. Everything was starting to feel alright, for a moment and now -  now nothing is.<br/>
“I’m so sorry, Hank,” Connor says and pulls him into a hug, that Hank doesn’t have the strength to reciprocate.<br/>
“Are you - are you going to be alright?” Connor asks, softly and Hank nods, not because he thinks so, but because he’s kept Connor away from his job long enough for a day.<br/>
“I’ll go -  I'll go say hello,” Connor eventually settles on and with that, he leaves Hank alone with his own thoughts, his guilt, his pain, and his sorrow. </p>
<p>Hank’s about halfway through his second whiskey glass by the time Connor comes back.<br/>
He looks exhausted in a way Hank has rarely seen on an Android as he sits on the couch next to Hank. Connor takes the whiskey glass from Hank’s hand and he doesn’t protest, knows it’s probably not the best idea anyway. Cole needs the functioning version of Hank right now, not the alcoholic who doesn’t know what to do with his pain other than drown it in alcohol. </p>
<p>Hank wants to cry but all he can feel is numb right now. Connor pulls him into his arms and Hank clings onto this stranger that feels like he’s known him for a lifetime.<br/>
“It’s my fault,” Hank mumbles against Connor’s shirt.<br/>
“It’s not.”<br/>
“You can’t know that.”<br/>
“Of course I do.”<br/>
Connor forces Hank to look at him.<br/>
“There’s nothing you could have done.”</p>
<p>He holds out his hand, a small screen projected onto it.<br/>
Statistics and numbers Hank can’t make anything out of.<br/>
“In every single situation, either you or Cole or both die,” Connor says, looking at the screen with a sad smile.<br/>
“And in every single situation it’s the drunk driver’s fault, not yours,” Connor says softly.<br/>
Hank can’t help himself as he starts to sob, feeling slightly embarrassed as he stains Connor’s shirt with his tears. Connor keeps holding him and petting his hair and they sit there like that for hours, without another word spoken between them. </p>
<p>The next time Hank sees his son is on the beach. Cole is sitting in the sand, building a small sandcastle in front of him and Hank smiles a bittersweet smile at the sight. </p>
<p>“Hey champ,” he says and Cole turns around.<br/>
“Daddy,” the boy grins happily and jumps to his feet. He runs towards Hank and a mere few seconds later, he’s holding his son in his arms.<br/>
He holds onto him tight and they stand there like this for what feels like hours...<br/>
“Wanna help me build my sandcastle?” Cole asks excitedly and Hank smiles.<br/>
“Sure.”</p>
<p>They sit down together on the beach and Hank starts forming little towers for the sandcastle, as if it's just another normal day on the beach with his son. Hank’s not sure how much exactly Cole is able to understand. If he gets that he’ll never get to go school again, never see his friends again. Never will see his mom again, at least for a lot more years, Hank hopes. But for right now, Cole seems happy and he tries to let that be enough. </p>
<p>“Connor says you’ve already been here a few days,” Cole says.<br/>
“What have you been doing?” he asks, eying Hank curiously.<br/>
And Hank starts talking. He doesn’t mention alcohol and staying way too late in bars. He does mention music and concerts. And he talks about Connor, a lot. Cole grins as he does.<br/>
“I like Connor, he gave me a lollipop,” is Cole’s insightful comment and Hank laughs for the first time since he’s come to San Junipero. </p>
<p>Death gets a little easier after that. He and Cole spend a lot of time on the beach which Hank eventually decides is his favorite place in the entire city. Cole likes to draw, play with legos, and do all the things, a normal 6-year-old likes to do. Hank spends all his time either with Cole or sometimes in the evening, he goes dancing with Connor. Or to concerts. One time to a drive-in movie. </p>
<p>Connor spends so much time with him, they have to hire another Android to help the people in San Junipero. Hank feels almost guilty for it, but Connor won’t hear anything of it.<br/>
“It’s not like I need the paycheck anyway,” he says and that is a fair point, so Hank decides to let it go and instead just enjoys the extra time he gets to spend with Connor. </p>
<p>They’re at a fair, all three of them. Hank holds on tightly to Cole’s hand, to keep him from running off alone. (He used to do that a lot, when he was younger, always nearly giving Hank a heart attack as he had to search entire amusements parks to find where his son had run off to this time.) </p>
<p>Connor is walking on his other side, his LED pulsing a calm blue and he’s smiling happily. He doesn’t walk quite as uptight anymore, seeming the most relaxed ever since the first time Hank had seen him. He had even ditched the grey suit for a jeans and T-shirt, after Cole had made a snarky comment about him looking too much like a grown-up once. It looks good on him and Hank has a very hard time pretending that he isn’t staring. </p>
<p>Cole tugs at his hand and he fake sighs as he sees the stand his son is trying to drag him to. Cole had always had a little bit of a sweet tooth. It had kind of been a problem to keep him from eating way too much chocolate back then, but it’s not really a problem now. Still, Hank likes to pretend. It gives the situation a sense of normalcy as if they’re just a normal family spending a nice afternoon together. (He tries not to think too hard about when he’s started to think of Connor as his family as well.) </p>
<p>They make stop in front of the cotton candy stand and he hands one to Cole, who looks so happy, it warms Hank’s heart. His son turns to Connor and tugs off some of the cotton candy and holds out his hand.<br/>
“Do you want some too?” he asks and Hank tries to bite back a laugh at the confused look on Connor’s face.<br/>
“Thank you, Cole,” he says, as he takes the cotton candy with a smile.<br/>
Hank’s not even sure if Connor can even taste it, but he eats it anyway. Cole grins and then proclaims that he wants to go on a ride. (Usually, Hank would insist he waits, remembering all too well the time Cole had thrown up as he went on a rollercoaster, straight up after eating a piece of cake at one of the amusement parks they had been too.)<br/>
Connor opens up a small menu, sliding Cole’s nausea slider to zero, and Hank gives him a thankful smile. </p>
<p>They get onto the roller coaster along with Cole and Hank grabs both their hands after they get themselves secured in their seats. Connor looks a little nervous and Hank squeezes his hand reassuringly. “I have never done this before,” Connor admits sheepishly.<br/>
“Just scream,” is Cole’s very sound advice.<br/>
Hank laughs at the way Connor's face twists as if he’s scared he might fall off. But he doesn’t have much more time to prepare himself, as the roller coaster starts moving. </p>
<p>Cole enjoys it so much, that they’re forced to do it a couple more times. Hank’s legs feel wobbly by the time Cole finally wants to get off.<br/>
He drags them towards the entrance of the fair next and Hank notices surprised, that the sun is about to set. He hadn’t even noticed that it had gotten this late until now. </p>
<p>Cole comes to a halt in front of a big bouncy castle. He looks at them both expectantly and Hank and Connor grin both almost simultaneously and shake their heads. </p>
<p>“We’ll be here right here,” Connor says softly, and Cole shrugs and jumps onto the bouncy castle.<br/>
It’s filled with a lot more kids and Hank watches as Cole tries to make friends with them. He smiles and turns away, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed by his emotions.<br/>
Connor’s hand take his as if he’s been doing this for thousands of years. The Android pulls him towards a little stage at the front entrance of the fair. Hank relaxes when he realizes he can still see the bouncy castle from there. Cole seems to be having fun still, so he turns towards the stage. </p>
<p>A group of Androids is singing a bunch of corny ass pop songs Hank remembers from his youth and he cringes a little. But there's no way he’ll turn Connor down, as he asks Hank for a dance.<br/>
They sway across the floor and Hank’s fairly certain they’re not even close to dancing to the rhythm but he doesn’t care.<br/>
He’s lost in thought and apparently has been for quite a while because Connor asks: “Are you alright?”<br/>
He has that worried look in his brown eyes, that Hank hasn’t seen in quite a long time.</p>
<p>Hank pulls him closer, at the next turn.<br/>
“Yeah,” he says. “Actually, I think I am.”<br/>
It’s about more than Connor’s actual question, Hank realizes. He looks forward to every day he gets to spend with him and Cole. He’s enjoying his not-life and he’s slowly let go of the guilt he’s been carrying around with him. It’s a heady feeling, to finally realize he can’t just be okay with their death but can be happy in spite of it.<br/>
“I didn’t think I could be,” he adds and the look in Connor’s eyes turns soft. </p>
<p>They come to a stop, just as the song changes. Hank looks at Connor, studies his face as if it’s the first time he’s seen it, and not like the millionth time he’s stared into his eyes. It’s been so long since Hank has done anything like this, he’s not sure he quite remembers how to. But he wants to try. Connor makes him want to try.</p>
<p>“You look beautiful,” he says and the way Connor blushes at the words is even more so.<br/>
He slowly lowers his lips, giving Connor enough time to pull away, but he doesn’t.<br/>
Hank’s not quite what he was excepting, but Connor’s lips are incredibly soft against his and he’s lost the moment Connor buries his hand in his hair. They stand there and kiss like this for what seems like an eternity. Hank’s not quite sure he’ll ever be able to stop, now that he doesn’t have the need to breathe anymore. It’s Connor who eventually pulls away first. </p>
<p>Hank’s heart beating way too fast, as Connor smiles at him, his face flushed, his hair a mess. He looks mesmerizing.<br/>
“I love you,” Connor says and his voice is barely above a whisper like he’s scared it’s still too fragile a thing to say out loud.<br/>
But Hank has never been more sure of anything in his life or death. It’s ironic, he thinks, that the place where he would get his happy ending would be in San Junipero, of all places. But Hank doesn’t really mind. He might be dead but he’s never felt more alive.<br/>
“I love you too,” he says and pulls Connor in for another kiss. </p>
<p>“I love you two too!” a child’s voice exclaims happily and they pull apart to see Cole standing next to them. Connor blushes again and Hank too feels a little embarrassed at just having made out in front of Cole. But his son doesn’t seem like he minds. </p>
<p>Hank pulls both of them into a hug. He’s not quite sure what their future will look like. It’s up to them he supposes, pretending to be growing old together or being forever young. All he knows is that they’ll be happy. And for once Hank finds himself agreeing with the corny 80s music playing in the background. Maybe heaven is a place on earth after all.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>